if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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