just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
