So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize