The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
