Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
