My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
