he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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