So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
