My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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