where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
