I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i dont even know how to be here
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
