This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
