Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
