i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
