so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize