What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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