I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
