I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
