I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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