She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
