I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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