she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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