Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
