You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
