i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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