you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
