I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
