I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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