The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize