You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
