I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
