you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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