the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize