Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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