mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
