I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize