I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what day is it and did you see me today?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
