ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
