I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
