if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
