I wanna passion pit in your ass
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize