I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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