i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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