coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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