what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize