Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
