I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
