He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
