Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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