I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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