So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
