I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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