I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
