I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
