"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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