u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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