He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
