Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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