I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
