I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize