Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
