Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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