Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
