based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize