At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone came in the potted fern
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize