just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
