I wanna bring you to show and tell
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize