dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You may now shotgun with the bride
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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