remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
