Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
