It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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