I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
