it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
