ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
