In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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