I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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