I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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