dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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