I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
