I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
