I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
