I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
