I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize