I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
