i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize