I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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