Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
