After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
