I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
