It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
