That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
vagina is talking i cant
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
