I like to think it a success when the cops are called
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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