I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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