I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize