i permit you to call me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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