Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and she was petting her beer can
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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