I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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