She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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