my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
