I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
