i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So much rum. So many feels.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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