The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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