I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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