We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
