Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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