As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
