She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
