I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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