I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
