You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
