it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
