Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
