Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
