yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
