I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
