By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
