I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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