Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
