wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
