How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
