I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
