i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
